It could have been the first documentary photography exhibition on the controversial issue of divorce. I did not know it at the time, but the silent power of the Catholic Church on divorce indirectly reaches the walls of arts institutions. My scheduled online exhibition got a last-minute cancellation.
We need to hear the silent voices of those who need the divorce law, their pain and suffering count and should be considered.
Pope Francis said: “Sometimes, it can even be morally necessary, when it’s about shielding the weaker spouse or young children from more serious injuries caused by intimidation and violence, humiliation and exploitation, neglect and indifference.”
The divorce law is for those living in unhappy marriages. They live in palatial homes, shanties, and anything in between.
Those who live in a happy marriage can continue, but for those living in hell, an alternative option that is quick and affordable must be made available.
Feel the pain when you read their stories, look at their eyes because they can be anyone of us. Some of the subjects’ names have been changed and their images partially hidden on their request.
Teresita S., 52
Teresita S., 52, was married for 30 years, and separated for 12 years.
Teresita was a victim of psychological violence and economic deprivation and threatened with a gun twice. Her husband was a womanizer with a drinking problem. The last straw came when their daughters saw their father and his girlfriend come out of the shower naked in their own home.
Singlehandedly, she avoided foreclosure of their home and had to send her daughters to a new school because of financial constraints.
Kim Ann Enriquez, 27
Kimberly Ann Enriquez, 27, is a resident of Bongabong, Oriental Mindoro
While I was having lunch with an old friend discussing my divorce project, Enriquez joined our conversation and declared that she supports divorce. I invited her to be included in the project, took her portrait, and asked her to share her reasons via email in Tagalog or English as part of my documentation.
“Isa akong Kristyano na pumapayag sa diborsyo. Labag sa pinaniwalaan ng aking relihiyon? Oo. Ngunit, tanggap ng paniwala ko bilang tao. Lumaki ako sa tatay na lasenggo at bayolente. Simula bata, wala akong tigil sa pagdarasal ng bagong buhay para sa aking nanay, ng bagong buhay para sa amin. Lumaki ako at tumanda ang nanay ko, ni hindi manya naranasan ang magkaroon ng tahimik na tahanan. Nuong sinapit ng tatay ko ng ika-60 taon, umalis ang tatay ko at sumama sa ibang babae. Naiwan ang aking mapagtiis na nanay. Siya na ang nagtiis, siya pa rin ang naiwan. Kung legal ang diborsyo, matagal na sigurong nag simula ng panibagong buhay ang nanay ko, panibagong buhay para sa amin. Legal ang kasal pero hindi naman lahat nagpapakasal. Katulad ng diborsyo, kung ayaw mo wag mong gawin. Pero bigyan mo ang ibang tao ng kalayaan na pumili.”
Lala O.
Lala O. is a restaurant supervisor in San Juan City. Lala had been in two previous relationships, with four kids and was a victim of domestic violence. Without divorce, she decided not to be married, have an option to terminate the relationship and avoid living in fear and despair. Lala is now in a relationship with a co-worker who is a chef, and so far, their relationship is flourishing. And she is very happy in her current situation. Lala said, “If divorce is an option, I might consider getting married.”
Perfecto Panti
Mr. Perfecto S. Panti is a taxi driver in Metro Manila. In a conversation about divorce, without any sense of hesitation, he said “If we have divorce in the Philippines, I will divorce my wife as soon as it becomes a law.” He elaborated that his wife is a gambling addict and oftentimes gambled the money he gave her for household expenses. To be safe, he now gives the money for food and expenses to his daughter. He further said, “I work hard every day to feed my family, but instead the money vanished in gambling.”
Elyza T., 49
Elyza T. , 49, is a salesclerk in Quiapo, Manila. She left her husband who is a drug addict and who subjected her to verbal abuse. She is now in a relationship with a very kind Muslim guy working overseas, who sends her financial assistance for her daughter’s education. If there is divorce, she will marry her Muslim boyfriend and willingly convert to Islam.
Maria Teresa, 32
Maria Teresa, 32, works for a security agency in Quezon City. She has three kids, ages 11, 9, and 7, and is a victim of domestic violence and psychological abuse. She has been separated from her husband for many years and is now in a relationship with a man who is a complete opposite of her husband. Without the divorce law, they cannot have the legal document recognizing their very happy union.
Tess V.
Tess V. got separated from her husband when she found out that he was involved with another woman and fathered her kids. She left, quit a good paying job, moved far away, and ended up operating a beauty parlor without any prior training or experience. Her children are now grown up, some with their own families. She had a previous relationship, but they could not consummate the union as a married couple because there is no divorce law in the Philippines.
Jayvee
Jayvee is a salesclerk for a computer and phone sales and repair outlet in Metro Manila. Her husband left to work overseas, had a relationship, and had a child borne out of wedlock. She is now in a relationship and her 17-year-old daughter had accepted her new partner. Without a divorce law, their relationship remains in limbo because there is no legally binding document that establishes their relationship.
Joyce S.
Joyce S. is a hardworking consultant and entrepreneur, who got pregnant young. After many years, she realized that being married young was an error of judgment. Since the birth of her second child, she has avoided sleeping with her husband. While they still live together in a house she owns, occasionally share a meal with their children, and share household expenses, they are no longer a married couple. They have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years without sexual contact. Joyce S. has many options to be happy but continues to suffer and cannot find relief unless there is a divorce law that could end her suffering and that of many others in similar situation.
Barbara M.
Barbara M. is an accountant with two children. She got pregnant young and ended up married. For years, she lived in hell with her husband, who subjected her to emotional and psychological violence. She was the recipient of constant verbal assault from her jealous husband every time her phone rang. Her husband has another family now, but he continues to meet their children often in malls and partially supports their education. Once her boyfriend’s parents spotted her and her former husband together in a mall and verbally humiliated her in public. They told her that their son does not deserve a formerly married partner. Her relationships with potential partners fizzled because there is no divorce law. She has been left with no option to experience a happy and a productive married life.
Mylene S. Yumul-Espina
There are men whose wives remarried overseas but cannot remarry because they need to formally divorce their former wives. Their children remain illegitimate under the law.
Mylene S. Yumul-Espina of Yumul-Espina Law Office said: “After realizing/accepting that his/her marriage was a failure, a party will still have to face the tedious process of a Petition for Declaration of Nullity or Annulment of Marriage to finally be free from the marital bond. Such process is neither easy nor quick. It is a lengthy process where a party must prove the grounds for such petition and even then, he/she is still unsure if the court will grant the same. Hopefully, when it is passed, the divorce law will provide a party with a less tedious and more expeditious process where he/she must comply with the requirements of said law and then be freed of the marital bond and start anew, wiser and more experienced.”
Lourdes Santos-Tancinco
Lourdes Santos-Tancinco, an immigration lawyer with offices in the San Francisco Bay Area, United States, and San Juan City, cited several cases where an existing divorce law would help facilitate her clients’ migration process.
Jessica
Ten years ago, Jessica married George. Unfortunately, George abandoned her, fleeing to the United States with his parents, and she hasn’t heard from him since.
For years, Jessica has been stuck in a painful limbo, legally bound to a man who vanished without a trace. During the pandemic, Jessica met Steve, a kind-hearted US citizen, through an online platform. Their virtual connection blossomed into a deep and genuine love.
Steve, eager to start a new life with Jessica, filed a fiancé visa petition to bring her to the United States. But during her interview at the US Embassy, Jessica denied she was previously married, but the US Embassy had records of her marriage to George, leading to an immediate denial of her visa application.
Jessica’s story is not unique. Countless Filipinos are trapped in failed marriages, unable to move forward because the Philippines is one of only two countries in the world where divorce is still illegal. This situation binds individuals to their past, preventing them from pursuing new relationships and building new lives.
We need to hear from the youth sector. Without a divorce law, they don’t have an option to terminate abusive, humiliating, and unjust relationships. Hopefully with the enactment of a divorce law, they will find another partner who will give them the love, respect, and support that they deserve.
For some, divorce might be too late an alternative. Our children, grandchildren, and future citizens deserve an alternative option to escape abusive married life.
Please share your personal stories on why you need divorce. This is the time for you to raise your voice and be counted.
You can also send a message to individual senators. Their email addresses are listed on https://legacy.senate.gov.ph/senators/sen19th.asp or their Facebook page, legacy.senate.gov.ph.
Rick Rocamora is a documentary photographer whose work is part of the permanent collection of San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and exhibited worldwide. Rocamora is the author of seven photobooks, the latest of which is titled, “Dark Memories of Torture, Incarceration, Disappearance, and Death during Martial Law.”